In the course of the last 5 months I have been laid off from work, diagnosed with Bi-Polar Disorder, diagnosed with A.D.D., have a bulging disc in my neck, and found out I am 28% body fat. I'm 41 and have always been very athletic and active all of my adult life. I am former Air Force and for 10 years I was a personal trainer. I am now a laid off pharmaceutical rep and more than anything I'm an actor. Acting is my true passion.
I know what I am supposed to do to stay healthy. I was a personal trainer for 10 years. It's only recently in the last year that I feel I have become "enlightened." Enlightened in that I have really started to get answers to questions about spirituality, health and fitness and that thinking positive makes a huge difference in the choices that I make in work and who I choose to spend my time with.
I'm 41 and I don't like not being able to do the things I did in my 20's and 30's. I wish I could go back in time and tell the 25 year old me that "Hey, you don't have to lift tons of weight. You don't have to be really big. You don't have to put your back through all this stress. Save your body, save your back. You're going to need it when you older." If only Mr. Peabody would make me a time machine to warn myself. Since my dog Zeke can't build a time machine I'm going to have to make due and make a choice to take extra care of myself.
28% bodyfat is not HORRIBLE but it's not good either. I used to hover around 14% and I thought THAT was fat. My goal is to get down to that 14% body fat and then go down from there. My eating sucks. My cardio sucks. I need to become more focused and look at the big picture.
I LOVE SUGAR. I love candy,chocolate, pop, pastries, ice cream, cake and cookies.
I LOVE CARBS. Bad carbs. I love bread, pizza, chips and pasta.
I LOVE JUNK FOOD. You name it, I love it.
Baby Steps:
It's important to not go cold turkey. If you do, you will fail. I've gone one week now without processed sugar. I have cut out all candy and ice cream because that's what I have the most of. I feel great. I wanted to kill everyone! It was tough but I made it.
Addictions are hard to break.
That's why they are called addictions. The hardest thing I learned was that I was depressed. Like G.I. Joe says, "knowing is half the battle." I wasn't just sad because I hated my job or because it rains so damn much here in Seattle. I am clinically depressed and bi-polar. Being bi-polar and A.D.D. are detrimental to a healthy lifestyle. My brain is not like everyone else's. My brain literally tells me that I am sad, I have no energy, I don't want to workout, I don't want to make healthy choices, I want to sleep all day, I hate everyone around me, my life sucks. I understand why people with depression commit suicide. The A.D.D. keeps me constantly anxious about stupid little things and my brain doesn't stop racing. Concentration is almost non-existent.
Medications help me.
I am now taking Lamotrigine and Zoloft for my bi-polar and Adderall for my ADD. This may seem like some kind of cocktail but for the first time in my life I feel in control and calm. This blog is a direct result of being able to finally calm my mind and put thoughts into words. I hope to eventually wean myself off these medications but in the mean time it's a little push in the right direction. I am now making better choices about food, exercise, people I hang out with and how I spend my free time. It's made a world of difference.
Positively Positive.
This is going to sound naive and maybe even simple. I have learned through reading and talking with other people that having a positive attitude goes a long way. If I put positive energy out to the universe it will come back to me. It sounds very "The Secret" but if it works it works. Visualization is key. Visualizing success and happiness isn't a bunch of bull. It really works. I was having money issues a few years back and really focused hard on getting out of debt. I did this by really concentrating on making good choices. Sounds simple. It wasn't for someone who wasn't good at making good choices. Manifesting good things isn't about staring at your vision boards. It's about not sitting back and waiting for good things to manifest. I put myself out to the universe and BAM! I landed two TV commercials that basically got me out of debt. I am going to start doing more visualizing what I want to feel like and what I want my body to look like.
Every day I'm going to log my successes with my health. I will be posting my bodyfat test results and that way it's out there and I have to take responsibility. Even if no one reads this it's very therapeutic for me. I know there are many people out there who have gone through the same issues I have. You're not alone. I thought I was. I now know I'm not.
I will be posting my workouts and anything else that I feel may be of help. My workouts are NOT hard. I have injuries and have to take it easy. You will see that you don't have to go crazy with cardio and lifting to stay healthy and look your best. Those of you who do like to go crazy, I ENVY YOU. It takes a certain type of person and I'm ok with not being one. You all motivate and inspire me to do what I can.
Here we go!
Carpe Diem
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