I won the lottery!!!

I feel like I just won the Lottery!

Ok, in a way I did win the Lottery.  I booked a Washington State Lottery commercial today and I am STOKED!  It's only a regional (Washington State only) commercial but I'll get residuals as long as it runs.  

I will be "Dan" the race car man.  I'm getting fit for my NASCAR uniform next week.  I'm not sure what the heck I will be doing but they did ask me if I could drive a stick.  Omg I'm playing Ricky Bobby...

I think I finally found the secret to success in auditioning.  The secret is to go in as if you just don't give a shit about anything.  I say this because that's what I felt like when I went in for the audition.  I was tired, depressed and in intense pain from the nerve issues I've been having.  Hell I didn't even primp in the mirror before the audition.

My lack of caring probably came off more relaxed and confident.  Sometimes you just never know what those Hollywood types are looking for.  Whatever it was, I had it.

The good thing is that this happened just a week after I found out my job will be ending soon.  I didn't give a shit about that either because I knew something would turn up and it did.  

Put out good energy and good energy comes back!

ps: I think I fixed the comment section of the blog.

All pain. No gain.

I recently find out I have Degenerative Disc Disease.  I've already had surgery to fix a ruptured disc in my lower back and now I have a bulging disc in my neck along with sever stenosis.

What does that feel like?  It feels like someone is constantly jabbing an ice pic into my shoulder over and over again all day long.  The neck pain radiates from my cervical spine, down my right shoulder, into my right arm and into my right hand.  My hand is constantly numb and tingling making it hard to drive or even sign my name.  My forearm feels like it is in a vice that is tightening more and more every day.  My tricep and bicep throb with pain.  It's not the most fun.

Solutions? I've had two cortisone injections that have not had any effect.  I've been in physical therapy for over a month which helps for a few hours and relieves some stress but the pain comes back after a while.  I tried massage and that had no help either.  I believe the next step is surgery.  From what I understand, the surgeon cuts in and burrows out the nerve canal to relieve stress on the nerve.

How does this affect someone with depression?  IT SUCKS.  The pain is so intense that coping with everyday life is a constant challenge.  The constant state of being uncomfortable makes me irritable, agitated, impatient and basically a real dick.

I've had to walk out of stores and other public places where I can't deal with the people around me.  Luckily I'm aware of when I'm starting to feel this way and can get out before I unintentionally lash out at whomever is in my path.  It makes me sound like a crazy person but I swear I'm not.

Right now as I type this I am constantly stopping to shake out my hand to get feeling back into my fingers.  Little things like finishing expense reports and answering emails has become so painful that at times I get nauseous.

The moral of the story?  I didn't know that pain can make one even more depressed than they already were.  Pain can actually turn off my depression and mood meds.  The depression can become so debilitating that I can't even cope with the simple things in life.  I even have lost patients with my dogs. What the hell can be worse than not being able to cope with the unconditional love of a dog??

I'm awaiting a return call from my neurosurgeon as to what exactly the next step is.  I'm ok with surgery because I'm that guy who does everything my doctor tells me to do and I actually like going to physical therapy.  Another motivation to get this fixed is that I can't do some things I love to do like kayaking, weight lifting and even yoga hurts SOMETIMES.

Pain and depression are one in the same if you think about it.  You can't have one without the other.

Flowery Chic-Fil-A goodness

I usually don't get political on my blog but I feel this is not so much political as it is about my civil rights.  Civil rights is always important to mental health especially since it seems the people making the laws in this country seem to have some mental issues themselves.

A couple here in Washington was denied flowers from a local florists because they are gay.  Gay marriage IS LEGAL in the state of Washington.  What's illegal is discriminating against someone based on their sexual orientation.  She is discriminating because of her "relationship" with Jesus.  Well that's great but she should probably rethink being in the retail biz. 

Here is my response to people who think the florist has a right to discriminate against gays.

Link:  Florist Refuses Washington Gay Wedding Job Because Of Religion

Here is why your argument does not hold water.  First off, I’m a gay man.  I’m a veteran, as is my partner of 21 years.  I did not serve in a war zone so I could come home and have an American business owner deny me flowers for my wedding on the basis of her “relationship with Jesus.”

Besides drug prescriptions from your doctor, what business has a right to tell you how to use their product after you buy it?  Of course every product has a “recommended” use by the manufacturer and yet I’ve never been denied a Q-Tip because I like to stick them INSIDE my ear.  

If religion is going to be a marker for whom business owners decide to sell to then we need to start discriminating more frequently.  Jesus said nothing about gay marriage in the Bible.  I’m assuming her “relationship” with Jesus is a platonic one since they aren’t married.  Does this mean Jewish shop owners get to stop selling to Christians and vice versa?  Why not? My Baptist parents raised me to believe that Jews are going to hell when they die.  My parents do not believe in Judaism based on their relationship with Jesus Christ.  Does that mean they get to start denying them products for sale?

Can a shop owner deny sale to a black person or a muslim?

Yes, the florist’s constitutional rights are guaranteed in our country.  She has a right to feel a certain way about gay marriage.  She has a right to want to discriminate based on a religious belief.  I suggest she get out of the retail business. All anyone has been talking about is this florist’s constitutional rights but you can use the exact same argument for the gay couple.  The problem is that since they are gay than their voices are automatically ignored. We still feel that religion gets to dictate the rights of human beings.  We have a constitution to protect the florist’s religious freedoms but it also protects life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness of everybody.  For God’s sake we actually vote on whether or not human being get civil rights!! There’s no voting on rights in America!  We have two legitimate constitutional rights issues here.  However, one allows to discriminate and the other allows a life commitment.

These two guys could have just ordered flowers, not told the florists what they were for and she would have been none the wiser.  Crisis averted. But these men took it upon them selves to fight for my right to be able to order flowers at my wedding.  Sounds pretty stupid right?  Of course.  Why am I getting all worked up about flowers at my wedding?  That’s something your wife probably took care of.  It’s because you have never had to deal with stupid people and discriminating laws because you are a straight, white man.  Straight, white men are who make up these laws so they can keep their little life bubble stable.

 Yes, let’s let the free market decide what businesses stay open if they openly discriminate.  Makes sense.  If the florist down the road hates black people then maybe she will lose patrons and she will go out of business.  Great.  That is her right to feel that way.  We live in a country that is better than that.  We live in a country where everyone is equal under the LAW. If we can just go around denying different groups of people things that other people take for granted than we are no better than WWII era Nazi Germany. 

My solution? Business owners should just stop asking what the product you’re selling is going to be used for!  Simple.  It’s none of your damn business.  Stay out of my life and I’ll stay out of yours. 

So now I’m sure that hundreds of people are going to go to her floral shop and all buy tons of flowers on a certain day that will in no doubt be supported by Rush and Sean Hannity.  That’s awesome.  Since the florist is a woman they can call it Chic Flore’.™ How ever they want to spin it, it’s not about religious freedom.  It’s about equality and civil rights.  Oh and I’m sure politics fits in their somewhere. 

Final Countdown

May 3rd is coming up and that marks one year of this blog.

One year of multiple medications, injuries, jobs and moods.

It's been  a weird year so far.  It's gone by fast but at times it's as if time stands still.  My mind plays games with my body and they don't always like to play the same game.  One cheats while the other take his ball and goes home.

I'll report in in May 3rd and give an official one year update.  It might not be pretty.