Death of a friend

Kimberly Layfield 1974-2012

Kimberly Layfield killed

Today I found out that I lost a friend.  Kimberly and I met on the set of a small indie web series in 2004.

Kimberly was incredibly funny and a very kind soul.   I never heard her say anything bad about anyone.  She was smart, funny and beautiful.  We would sit on the set between takes and just crack each other up.  We filmed for the better part of a year and stayed in touch for a few years even though we live only an hour away from each other.  Life happened.  We lost touch except for the occasional hello in passing.  

Kimberly was at her favorite coffee house having coffee and talking with friends.  The shooter walked in and opened fire. The man who killed her also killed four other people.  He was mentally unstable.  His family knew it and even said that they saw this coming.  His guns were bought legally.  There isn't really much that anyone could have done.  She was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I feel so ashamed that I lost touch.  We didn't live far from each other. We had things in common.  I feel horrible that I didn't get to see her one last time.  I feel guilty but at the same time I believe her soul is in a higher place.  

I don't believe in the "biblical heaven."  I believe we are all souls that live over and over again in order to learn valuable life lessons and teach them to new souls.  Call it reincarnation or whatever you want.  I believe when we die our souls ascend to a higher plane and we get to see all our family and friends who "passed" before us.  When we are ready, we get to be born again, literally, and hopefully we subconsciously take what we learned in the past life and apply it to our new lives.
  

I believe Kimberly had to die in order to teach me and her loved ones about grief.  We have to learn how to deal with grief when it is senseless.  We all know how we will die BEFORE we are born.  We all know what lessons we will need to learn and what lessons we will need to teach.  She died so we could learn about ourselves.  We all grieve differently.  The question is what will we do with this grief.  How will we use it to make our lives here on Earth better?  How will we use it to make other lives better.  

I will miss her.  She contributed to my life.  I met her for a reason.  I just wish the reason hadn't come in a form so senseless.

I miss you Kimberly.

Glass Feet

Glass Feet

Today was the most amazing kayak day so far.  We all went to Joemma Beach State Park to put in.  We were the only people there.  It was 70 degrees, no wind and the sound was like glass.  It was the kind of paddle where you just kick back, feet up on the hull and just float.  It was so serene and so calming.

I had a full day.  I'm still currently FUNemployed so I had a morning of spin class, dog park, yoga, a lunch date and kayaking.  All in all it was a pretty perfect day.  Energy levels are good.  Positive thoughts are pumping.  Feeling more healthy every day.

Starting next week I am going to be teaching spin class at my local YMCA.  I am a certified spinning instructor and took a few years off and now I'm ready to get back in the saddle.  I've found that with my new meds I am again in love with the things I used to love to to.  Depression can make you burn out and become disinterested in things you would normally feel passionate about.

I want a Do-Over.  

I wish I had started taking these meds years ago.  I'm sure my life would be so much different than it is now.  I would have made better decisions and probably would be in a better career field or at least IN a career.   I realize that I learned everything the hard way.  Dealing with depression and bi-polar made it difficult and I accepted that those two things were always going to be in my life and I had to learn to live with it.  If I had had these meds earlier I feel I would be living my passion and not feel like I wasted so much time.

That's why you get paid the big bucks.

The day my shrink prescribed Adderal he asked me about an upcoming job interview I was going to be attending that week.  He asked me if I wanted the job.  I said no.
He lifted his eyebrow and asked, "why not?"
I said, "Well yes I want the income but I don't want this particular job."
He asked me again, "Why not?"
 I squirmed in my seat.  "I feel anxious about my sales job.  I'm anxious because I go into these offices and I know the doctor knows 100 times more than I do.  They may not know everything about your product but they know everything about the disease state you are selling to.  I feel insecure, intimidated and stupid because I can't retain any of the product knowledge.  I felt like a liar and a fraud.  I don't know why I can't retain anything.  I've had this problem all more life.  It goes into my brain and out the trap door.
He smiled.  "Rex, that is A.D.D.  You can't focus.  You can't retain knowledge because your brain is thinking about a million different things at once.  You memorize for the test and then it goes away.  Don't you think that if you could focus, become less anxious that maybe, just maybe you would actually enjoy being a pharmaceutical rep?"
HOLY SHIT!  I've heard of "a-ha" moments but this was a "watchu talking bout Willis?" moment.  I had wasted the last 5 years of a career just squeaking by because of a problem I really didn't know I had or understood.  I thought I was just slow.

My last manager had a long talk with me at the beginning of our last quarter of the last contract I was on.  She told me that if she had met me that day, she wouldn't have hired me.  She said my product knowledge was horrible and I was not fit to be in the field.  That hurt so bad.  It's didn't so much hurt my feelings as it hurt that I had let her down.  She was an amazing manager and I let her down.  She had a lower view of me now and I didn't like it.  I told her I was having problems with depression and retaining knowledge.  She told me that I should think about getting tested for A.D.D.  I worked my ass off the remainder of the quarter and she told me she was proud to see that I had improved.  I had turned myself around.  However, the chances of being hired by her again are nil. 

I took her advice and went to see a doctor who sent me to a psychiatrist.  It's the best thing I've ever done and the best advice I ever took.  She will never know what great changes are taking place but that was a lesson learned.  I had to almost get fired in order to get better.  

Universe.  You funny, ironic son-of-a-bitch. 

Yoga Yoda I am.

I have been doing Yoga 3 times a week for the past month.  I have to say it sucked at first.  It was hard and I wasn't flexible at all.  Holy crap what a difference only a month makes.  My back pain isn't as bad.  I've become alot more flexible.  Plus it makes me feel incredible afterwards.

Real Men Do Yoga

Yoga: Strong for a man but made for a woman?

Ok I'll admit that I was intimidated because 98% of the yoga classes are made up of women.  Therefore, it must be a girl thing.  After doing this for a month I challenge any dude to go take a yoga class and then ,after you have wiped the tears from you eyes from crying like a little bitch, come tell me if you still think it's just for girls.  There should be just as many men doing yoga as there are women.  It's amazing for you body and it would actually help the other sports you may be participating in.  Besides, straight single guys, it's 98% women.  Beautiful, FLEXIBLE women.  You're all idiots.  That's all I have say about that!

Once I got past the intimidation and realized how amazing it was for my mind and my body I don't even think about being one of three dudes in the class.  Everyone is there for their own "practice."  It's a very very spiritual experience.  It's all about living in the moment and letting go of all your worries for an hour.  

Give me one moment in time... or Take my breath away...

Living in the moment was hard for me.  It's harder than it sounds.  You don't worry about what's going to happen this afternoon or tonight. Don't think about what happened this morning.  Don't think about what the hell you have to buy at Costco tomorrow.  Live in this moment.  Concentrate on your breath.  If you are concentrating on your breath, you are not concentrating on $4.19 per gallon gas.  You can't imagine what it does for your mind.

I got scolded in class last week and told to stay after.  I'm not kidding.  The instructor thought I was being to hard on my body.  She thought I was being too competitive with the other dude in my class.  She told me yoga is not about being competitive.  It's all about YOU.  It's about your body and doing what YOU can handle.  Now, I will say that the other dude is about 24 or 25 years old, in amazing shape, and makes me look like piece of crap.  But then I realized 2 things.  First, he is 24 or 25 years old.  Second, being competitive is how I blew out a disc and hurt my back in the first place.  I hurt myself doing a 260 lbs. squat.  Why?  Because I was surrounded by people who are insane shape and most them half my age.  I didn't want those kids to show me up.   I was going to show them what a 40 year old can look like when he's kicking their asses.  I got my ass handed to me by a barbell and 260 lbs worth of plates...NOT WORTH IT.

When you go for your daily run or your daily cycle or even your daily weight training, do what YOU can handle.  Your workout is for YOU and not all the gym bunnies who are there to socialize.  LISTEN to your body.  If it hurts, STOP.  It's tired, REST.  If it's sad, get help.  You only have one body.  Take care of it.  It's your responsibility to be healthy not to mention living longer and spending less on health care when your older.

Namaste.

Memorial Day to Remember

Memorial Day to Remember

Race for a Soldier

Today I went kayaking in the harbor with some friends.  After a 2 hour paddle through the harbor we went out to lunch.  Our waitress was collecting our payment when I saw she was wearing a dog tag.  I asked her who's it was.  She said her son Kyle.  I then asked "...and?"  Her response was, "oh he's in heaven."  

In 2009 Kyle had just come back from Iraq and was suffering from severe depression and PTSD.  He was at Walter Reed during his hospitalization.  After a while they told him he was taking up a bed they needed and told him he could leave and self-medicate.  He self-medicated in a hotel room and committed suicide.  

She had a very rough time dealing with his death and went to a "dark place."  She didn't know what to do.  Luckily she has other kids and she realized she had to be strong for them.  She needed to get healthy. She started running daily.  She started working out.  She joined a Crossfit gym. Crossfits have a military following and there were former soldiers there whom she could talk to.   She started getting her body and mind fit.  

While she was getting herself together she decided that she needed to honor her son and help raise awareness for PTSD and traumatic brain injuries of our soldiers.  She started RACE FOR A SOLDIER.  A half-marathon and 2 mile walk/run in Gig Harbor.  This September will be the 2nd year.  

She was very articulate and passionate about this endeavor.  She has partnered with a few companies like the USO and Route 16 Running Store who sponsor the event.  I found my eyes watering as she told me her story.  I was so impressed with her and how she was able to share something so personal with total strangers.  

Dealing with depression and bi-polar issues myself I really could identify with her plight.  It took the life of her son and also put her on a path to destruction.  Luckily for all of us she decided to sink that grief and sadness into something constructive and positive.  

I am a veteran myself.  I did not see combat nor did I lose anyone close to me.  Still I know what the military demands and that life is not an easy one.   The lives of the people who serve our country and help protect us should be more important to our government.  If a soldier comes back from a war and they need help there shouldn't be any questions asked.  Our government has done a disservice to our Armed Forces.  This Memorial Day I am both proud and ashamed.  I'm proud that we have people who are willing to die for us.  I'm ashamed our government would send them into combat only to treat them like dirt when they return.

This woman's story put meaning to a holiday that, quite frankly, I never really put any effort into.  I took Memorial Day for granted.  I now realize that even though I don't know anyone who died in service to our country, doesn't mean it's still not important to pay honor. 

I may have to start training for a certain half-marathon happening in September.  Anyone game?

Ego Boost

Yesterday I went to spin class and it was being taught by an instructor I haven't seen in over 2 weeks.  She chased me down in the hall at the Y and said that she noticed I had lost weight and I was looking very skinny.  I'm not gonna lie.  It felt great.  It always feels great to get a compliment from someone that is unbiased.  It also feels great to get a compliment about something you have been working hard on as well.  She commented that the "cutting out sugar" thing was working well for me.  I said that it had but I do fall of the wagon from time to time.  Sometimes that wagon is on a very very bumpy hill.

We all need a little help from our meds.

The other thing I told her was it didn't hurt that I was on a mood stabilizer called Adderal which really curbs my appetite.  I lost 10 lbs. immediately after starting that medication.  At first I felt like I was cheating.  Then I realized that I'm still eating normal.  I am just making better decisions about what I eat.

My depression and anxiety issues caused me to make bad choices and eat lots of comfort food to make me feel better.  Now that I don't have those issues as much, I've up'd my game and my workouts are better and my eating is too.

I used to be very ashamed of my depression and anxiety.  I thought that I was weak.  I thought that I was not as good as I should be.  I felt unattractive and useless.  It took me a very long time to find the right mix of medication that works for me.  Now that I have the right meds I see the world in a different light.  I sometimes feel that I missed out on the first half of my life.  I've had a problem with depression as far back as high school.  I feel that if I had gotten help back then that I would have done so much more by now.  

I can't afford to think that way anymore.  I have to look at what I have.  I'm haven't done too shabby. I'm in a good relationship, I have great friends and 3 wonderful dogs that I love like kids.  

I'm glad I finally got the help I need.  I hope that anyone else out there who is suffering from depression gets the help they need.  Just know it can take awhile.  I had to go through 5 or 6 different meds to find the right ones.  

Remember: Life always looks worse than it really is when you are depressed.  

Shaving the Craving

Shaving the Craving 

Amazon- Diet Rehab

I'm reading this great new book from Dr. Mike about why we crave the crappy food we eat.  Guess what?  It's all chemical.  You're brain is dictating why you eat "comfort food" and why you keep craving it.  

It is an "aha" experience.

Crossfit: Fit to tried

Crossfit: Fit to be tried.

I had lower back surgery on January 24, 2011.  I ruptured a disc in my low back at a Crossfit gym while performing a deep squat with 260 lbs. on the bar.  By "deep squat" I mean 260 lbs on my back and lowering my butt all the way to the ground and then standing back up.  

My personal training days.

I have 10 years of personal training experience.  I knew damn well that most of the exercises used in Crossfit are done with extremely bad form that can increase the risk of injury with each passing day.  I just assumed that this must be a "different way of working out." I'm very open-minded and I'm always up to trying new things.  I raised an eyebrow more than a few times when going through a demonstration of the different techniques in Crossfit.  All my friends warned me not to do it.  A professional natural bodybuilder warned me not to attend Crossfit. Other personal trainers warned me.  A doctor even warned me.  I didn't listen.  I succumbed to peer pressure from my friends that do Crossfit.  It's an intense experience.  I was surrounded by athletic, positive, attractive people who told me I could do it.  I should have known better and I'm a little ashamed of myself that I didn't quit earlier.  I had just turned 40 and didn't want to be shown up by all the 20 somethings in the classes.

Ego is the one of the main causes of injuries in my opinion.  My ego got checked when my physical therapist asked me how I hurt my back and I said proudly, "crossfit."  She immediately rolled her eyes and said, "do you know how many injured people we see from Crossfits?  They keep us in business."  She was awesome and helped me strengthen my core and get back my mobility I had lost after surgery.

Today I can not lift weights.  I could but then I would end up having another surgery.  It really puts stress on my lower back to pick up dumbbells.  I went through months of rehab.  I had to change my whole way of thinking when it comes to working out and staying healthy.  Now I do yoga 2-3 times a week and it is truly amazing.  I also take spin classes at least 4 times a week.  I take the occasional muscle toning class to keep everything tight.  It's very different for me but it's also very healthy.  My core is getting stronger and I'm feeling more and more confident that I will be able to live a long healthy life injury-free.

As I get older I realize that I don't need to be super buff anymore and try to compete with the guys half my age downstairs in the weight room.  I also would love to go into that weight room and scream, "unless you are an olympic athlete, training for the NFL or plan on becoming a bouncer than please, please stop lifting such insane weight.  YOU WILL REGRET IT!"

This is an article I read about Crossfit and the hazards that come with it.  

Crossfit. To be or not to be.

There also more articles within this one that also talk about the dangers of over doing it at Crossfit.

All Aboard the Crossfit bus!

Go Crossfit!

The Truth about Crossfit

Beginner's guide to Crossfit

If you are a friend of mine that attends a Crossfit, I'm very jealous that you guys get to really workout like an athlete.  I loved my time at Crossfit and made some really great friends.  I just want everyone to be careful and not to end up like me.  Stay safe and don't be afraid to take a break.  

Bonne Tyler eat your heart out

Total Eclipse of the..ow!...crap!...my Heart!

Yesterday was the annular eclipse.  We spontaneously packed up the boys into the back of the Prius and drove south to Mount Shasta to view the eclipse.  Mount Shasta was one of the places in the middle of the swath the sun cut across the US where you could see the "ring of fire" perfectly.  The above picture was our viewing area at Shastice Park in the town of Mount Shasta.  

Below is exactly what we saw and it lasted for about 4 minutes.

It was one of the most amazing sights that I have ever seen.  How many times in my life would I be able to see this remarkable act of nature?  Who knows.  The fact that the moon is alway "visible" from Earth, yet you hardly ever see it during the day, is amazing to me.

The eclipse really made me think about being spontaneous and how much of the world I'll never get to see before I die simply because there is so much to see.

Being spontaneous never used to be a big deal for me.  As I get older though I have become more anxious about little things.  I used to be able to pick up and road trip at anytime.  Now I was plagued with worries about where were we going to stay? How long will it take? Will the dogs be ok in a car for 10 hours?  Am I going to just want to eat everything in sight like ya do during a road trip? 

In the 2 days we were gone I developed 2 stress-induced blisters in my mouth.  I couldn't figure out at first how I got them.  I then realized I was stressing over EVERYTHING.  On the way back I finally started to calm and the pain started to go away.  This should have not been such a hard thing to do. 

I'm not a planner.  Planning stresses me out...doh!  I'm marking this down as a learning experience.  I learned that I stress over things that just don't matter.  I need to not worry, stay positive and let the universe take care of it.  Stress can be a killer.

Road Trip

Curt really wants to see the eclipse tomorrow. The best place for us is northern California. We left late tonight. We are in Salem, OR for the night. Off to Redding, CA in the morning. Did I mention we have 3 labs with us? Fun times!

Gig-a-bites

Woo Hoo!  I booked a job that I auditioned for last week.  It's a photoshoot for "something."  I say "something" because you never really know what the heck you are auditioning for.  They tell you who the client is, they take a few pictures of you and tell you, "don't call us, we'll call you."  All I know is they took some pics of me in business clothes and pic of me in Army fatigues? Who knows.

Here is why I think I got this casting. First of all I felt really good about the day.  I had sold my car that morning and that was some stress off my shoulders.  However, the tide turned when I arrived to the casting 3 HOURS EARLY...

(I scan.  By scanning I mean I scan over emails and don't read them throughly enough.  Somehow I read 1:10:00 pm as 10:00 AM.  NOTE: see how they included the seconds in the time.  Apparently I do this alot.  I did not realize it until someone told me.)

...Anyway, I came back at 1:10 PM and the photographer remembered me.  He proceeded to jab me during the whole casting because he thought it was funny.  I took that as a cue to be self-deprecating and it worked.  I made fun of myself and he loved it.  It showed him I was fun and could roll with the punches.  Therefore, I booked a gig.  This is my theory and I'm sticking to it.  

The moral of the story is I put out really positive vibes all morning.  I knew I needed some income while being unemployed and I kept that in the back of my mind.  The time mix up was not an accident. There are NO accidents.  Everything happens for a reason. The universe was rewarding me and made me early on purpose so I could stand out in the photographers mind.  Wah-Lah! I booked the gig.

I throughly believe that when something doesn't happen for you in life, it's wasn't meant to.  The universe is holding out for something better or it's wanting you to learn a lesson and then learn from those mistakes or successes.  

I'll let you know what the hell I auditioned for next week!

You sick bastard!

 Sicky McSickster, Mayor or Sickyville

Well I'm not sure if my sore throat and inability to swallow was brought home on an airplane by a certain somebody or if maybe I might be working out too much. Whatever the case I'm taking it easy today.  I did go to Spin class this morning but only did 30 minutes.  The rest of the day I was one lazy dog. 

Rules of working out while sick:

If you have a fever- NO

If you have a cold but you feel better with over the counter medication- YES

Can I do Yoga?- YES, if you don't have a fever

Cold in your chest- NO

Use common sense. If you feel like complete crap, DO NOT go to the gym. Give your body time to recover.  Plus, you're giving everyone at the gym you're nasty germs.  It's not smart to be around young children and the elderly when you're sick.  I workout at the YMCA and there are plenty or rug rats and old timers around to infect.

UPDATE:

My heart rate monitor, the one I bragged about, is broken.  It only takes a pulse for about 10 minutes or else I'm dead.  The next I buy a product I will make sure I read all the reviews first before.  Apparently the strap itself is great but the App is a dismal failure.  Until MY TREK fixes the bugs, I'm without a HRM.

The more I blog I hope the better my blog becomes.  It's actually a little hard to come with the words to write to relay what I want to hear.  I'm basically treating this like a journal.  A journal the entire planet has access to.  

FUNemployed

FUNemployed

I had such a busy day yesterday that I had a hard time waking up this morning for spin class.

Yesterday was cardio, dog park, yoga and then kayaking for 2 hours.  I was exhausted.  I think I might have over-did it.

This morning was spin-class and core class, dog park and then NOTHING.  I'm resting this afternoon.

So sometimes I get into these moods where I'd rather just sleep in and skip the gym and go later in the day.  However, I've also found that when I do that I NEVER go back later in the day.  Just getting to the gym is half the battle.  Don't sit there in your car dwelling on how tired you are and how awful working out is going to be.  STAY POSITIVE.  Go in and give it 10 minutes.  10 minutes in you should start to feel better and you'll find you can finish your workout. 

Remember it's better to do it first thing in the morning and get it out of the way!

Walkin' on Sunshine

Walkin' on Sunshine....

This weekend Western Washington had the most incredible weather.  We're not used to a high of 80 degrees in mid May.  So I made the most of it.

Saturday was kayaking.

I loved it so much I decided to try Paddle Boarding on Sunday.

Notice I'm sitting on my paddle board.  I did not like paddle boarding.  There is something to say for a good workout, which paddle boarding is.  However, I wanted to relax and take in the amazing sunshine and paddle boarding was way too much work.  Besides it did a small number on my back.  All that core work and my back went into a spasm so I sat.

So I did the next logical thing....

 I bought myself a kayak to get my fitness on in the water anytime I want.  It's a basic Costco kayak that was on sale.  Nothing fancy and for now that will work just fine.  

I have a few friends who like to kayak but this is something I can do on my own if I choose.  It's a great arm, shoulder and lat workout.  I can kick back and paddle or I can work hard and really try to get my heart rate up.  It's a win, win!!

Reject

Rejection Junkie

As an actor rejection is just the name of the game.  As an unemployed pharmaceutical rep, job rejection is also around every corner.  Even when I am employed  I can be rejected in doctor's offices all day long, 5 days a week.  Rejection is a part of life.  Some have it more than others.  It's how you deal with it that shows what kind of person you are.  You can let it destroy you or you can let it teach you.

I had a tough day yesterday.  I didn't get a job that I thought I was going to get.  I was 99% sure I was going to get it.  What do you do when you had your heart set on something so important and it doesn't happen?

Today I had a casting audition for a photo shoot.  Auditions are funny.  Every one I go to is always the same.  I walk in the room and there are 10 -20 guys who look JUST LIKE ME.  It can be very depressing to go on audition after audition and constantly be turned down for reasons that I am never made privy to.  When all the men look alike and the audition can be something as simple as the casting director taking a polaroid of your face and saying "Thanks for coming in.  We'll let you know," what are you supposed to do?  How can I not take it personally?

I had to learn to NOT take it personally.  This is the universe sending it back to me saying, "Not yet Rex.  This is not the right time for you.  It'll happen."  Of course I was upset.  I was depressed for a few hours.  Then I remembered how in the past when things like this happened, something better usually shows up on your door.  I wind up thinking, "Im sure glad I didn't get that other job." "I'm sure glad I didn't book that gig."  I'm assuming I didn't get the job because that awesome but failed interview was getting ready for a stellar job coming my way in the future.  Something good will happen.  Learn from the mistakes I might have made and move on.

The Four Agreements

Read the Four Agreements.  It is a basic philosophy of how you can live your life with personal freedom.  

The four agreements are these: 

1. Be impeccable with your word. 

2. Don't take anything personally. 

3. Don't make assumptions. 

4. Always do your best.

 Follow them and you will see a difference.  If that doesn't help just do this:

I'm not here

Today has been one of those days. Peace out.

Mirror, Mirror

mirror, mirror

Real or Memorex

Photoshop me

Body image is something we all have to deal with.  Some of us are lucky to be dealt a lucky hand with good genetics.  Some of us have to work hard to look the way we want.  Negative body image can take a toll on your self-esteem.  It can cause you to be depressed and induce self hatred.

Skinny Bitches

I just wish sometimes that fashion magazines would just be banned.  I've seen so many girls and young women complain that they don't look like the girl on the cover.  They probably never will.  That girl on the cover is a size 0 or an incredibly poplar, highly paid movie star.  I think using the covers for motivation is awesome but it's not healthy to starve yourself or go on a crash diet to look good for your high school reunion.  The stats on eating disorders, diets, and the media are staggering when it comes to women and their bodies.  Here are some awesome articles that have the stats:

Body Image Statistics

Media Influence

Fitness models. 

 I know a few fitness models.  What makes them different from you and me are that they are PAID to look good.  If all I had to do to get paid was to workout every day and eat clean I would be on the box of Calvin Klein underwear.  Fitness models starve themselves before a shoot and then after all that working out and starving they are airbrushed to hell to hide the flaws.  Flaws that we all have.  Fitness and fashion magazines are unrealistic ideals of how women and men should look.  To be a female model a girl must be at least 5'9" and a size 0 or a size 1.  How many women are a 0 or a 1? Not many.  Men need to be at least 6'0" and no more than 10% body fat.  When you pick up a VOGUE or a MEN'S FITNESS just know that those people are not the norm.  It is great if you want to be inspired by them or use them for motivation but don't have unrealistic expectations that you will look just like them.  Everyone has different genetics and your body is yours and no one else's.  

Body image isn't just for women any more.  

Men are becoming more and more negative about their body image.  Straight men AND gay men.  

Here are a couple great article with statistics on body image and men. 

Body Image Dissatisfaction: A growing concern for men.

MEN: A New Brand of Body Issues and Body Image Problems

The man behind the mask: male body image dissatisfaction

Class is in session:

If you think body image is bad for women, here is something that not everyone knows about body image in the gay world.  

Gay 101:

Like the rest of the world, the gay community or as I like to call it the "gayniverse" is obsessed with youth and beauty. I think it may be worse for gay men.  Gay men are constantly bombarded with images of perfect looking men at every turn. It's everywhere they go.  The pressure to have six pack abs and buff biceps is incredibly intense.  Marketing for gay men basically consists of six pack abs on the cover of, well, anything, from underwear to gym memberships.  There is a phrase known to gay men: age 30 is 60 in gay years.   Once you turn 30 it's all down hill from there. UNLESS you look good, extremely good. Depending on what city you live in you are judged solely on what you look like and what your body fat % is.

Gar Bar 101: NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART

To illustrate one insane example of what gay men go through is the gay bar.  Those of you who have never been in a gay bar have never experienced vanity, ego, or as you will now find out,  jaw dropping "must see TV"  to this extent.
"Must See TV"- I bet if you go into your neighborhood straight bar you don't see porn on tv screens everywhere, do you?  Well in SOME gay bars, gay porn is shown as casually as if you are just sitting around watching a re-run of FRIENDS.   It's just there.  You can't help but see it unless you turn your back to it and then there is another tv pointed at you with more porn. You almost can't get away from it.  I've never understood how displaying gay porn is perfectly ok to do in a gay bar but straight porn would NEVER be displayed in a straight bar.  Gay porn stars are some of the most attractive men you will ever see.  They are the standard that gay men feel they have to live up to.  Gay Pride parades have porn star floats.  I don't get it and I never will.  I don't attend Gay Pride parades mainly for reasons like that.

Don't get me wrong.  I like to go out with friends and enjoy a drink and maybe some dancing from time to time.  It's still tough.  If a bar is more mainstream there are still insanely attractive go-go dancers dancing in cages over the dance floor making you feel like you just got hit with an ugly stick.   It's difficult to find a gay bar that doesn't make you feel like you need to show your gym membership at the door.

The moral of the story

I'm like anyone else.  I want to be healthy and I want to look good.  Wanting to look good is not a bad thing.  However, it is a bad thing to beat yourself up because VANITY FAIR isn't returning your calls about being on their next cover.   Get inspired.  Get motivated.  Workout to feel good.  Workout to look good but do it for the right reasons.  I don't have kids and I won't have grand kids.  I do have nieces and nephews and I would like to be around to see them grow up.  If you do have kids you owe it to them to be healthy and be a good role model for them because fat kids have fat parents, true story.  

My soap box just broke, i have to get down now.

Girl Power

A little girl power inspiration from Katy Perry for all my female friends who are having a tough day.



I served with chics like this.  I wouldn't ever want to piss them off. Get inspired and get out there and do something!

I love everybody's 6 paks

Everybody has a 6 pack...

...It's just buried.

Myth - Sit ups and crunches will make me lose my belly.

No amount of sit ups and crunches will take away inches from your mid-section.  Getting rid of belly fat is entirely dependent on WHAT YOU EAT and cardio.  EVERYONE HAS ABS like the guy above.  You just can't see them.  His abs are what your abdominal muscles always look like.  You have to "melt the snow off the roof."

First of all, never do sit-ups.  They are horrible for your lower back.  Crunches are awesome for developing core strength and nothing else.  Doing crunches help your abs grow strong AND your lower back as well.  The reverse is true. A strong back helps make strong abs.

Below is a body fat chart to help you see where you should be.

If you are ambitious enough to want a 6 pack like our friendly fitness model above, (actually he doesn't look too friendly, maybe he's hungry) men need to be 10% body fat or below.  Women need to under 20%.

If you don't want a 6 pack but just a healthy flat tummy than just stay in the "healthy" range of the chart above. 

So the moral of the story is losing inches is not about crunches. It's all about your eating.  Cut out soda and you will see a difference within a week.  

Healthy lose of body fat is usually at a rate of 1-2% a MONTH.  It takes a long time.  You have to dedicate yourself and work hard.  And guess what. As you get older is gets harder.  Boooo!

procrastination, procrastination What's your function?

It's so easy to get busy and say, "I'll hit the gym tomorrow."  Then tomorrow turns into tomorrow and then that day turns into tomorrow and before you know it, it's been 2 weeks or even a month.

I have been in this situation way too many times.  One thing that helps me is to take a class.  That way you know you have to set aside a specific time of the day to be at that class.  

They say it takes 30 days to change a habit or develop a habit.  Stick it out for one month and soon it will become second nature.  

Today was spin class for 30 minutes.  I had to leave early because I had a job interview to get ready for.  I've got to the point where I get up and get it over with and my day seems to go much better.  I know I have it out of the way and I can focus on the day.  

Video killed the blogger

Video killed the radio star.

Today was a rest day for me.  I decided to take a day off and hang with a friend and do a little shopping...and a little eating...come on! It was 5 Guys Burgers and Fries!  I can't pass that up. 

I decided to do a video today.  Hopefully it works...eek.

Get your ass out of bed!

Good Advice

Happy Cinco De Mayo!!!
(or as I like to call it, Margarita Mania)

Here is a great article a friend sent me about getting out and doing something, anything instead of being sedentary.  It's not too long and has some really great common sense information.  This is more for people who are overweight and give up too quickly when the results do not come quick enough.

The Surprising Shortcut to Better Health

Who instructs the instructors?

I went to spin class (cycling to some people) this morning like I usually do on Saturdays.  One very important motivating factor for me is that a instructor should motivate you to work your hardest during your spin.  I'm one of those people that music during a class has to be very upbeat and something that I know and can sing along with IN MY HEAD.  I'm a pop music, top 40 guy.  I like the bubblegum, Lady Ga Ga, Marron 5, LMFAO kind of stuff.  It's got a great beat and it's easy to dance to.  RIP Dick Clark.
Sorry I just dated myself.

There is an instructor who fills in from time to time and this instructor is a very nice person.  However, I can't spin to classic 70's rock. Yes they are great songs but not great music to spin FOR ME.  This person also is very quiet, refuses to use the mic so it is very tough to hear the instruction.  I left and came back home.  I'm not saying this person is a bad instructor. There are plenty of people who like the class.  It just isn't the class for me.

The moral of the story is this:  It's important to find a class where you feel motivated and inspired. You should like the instructor and you should like the music.  If you're not getting a vibe than it's ok to leave the class.  I went home because I was dressed in cycling gear and cycling shoes and I didn't have any normal workout clothes so I couldn't do anything else.  I'll go back later and do some other kind of cardio.

BTW, I wanted to start off the blog with my stats.  It will help me keep track since I'm so bad at writing things down.  I make lists but then I lose the lists.  I need a list for my lists!

APRIL 3, 2012
Age: 41
Height:  5'10
Weight   208
Waist: 35"
Bodyfat: 28%

Today's weight was 201!!!  BUT mostly water weight, NO sugar and I cut BACK on Diet Coke.  ( God Bless Diet Coke)  Also I found out a side-effect of Adderal is weight loss.  Who could be depressed about that?!

I don't believe in weighing myself everyday.  I only do it a few times a month to get an idea of where I'm at.  The number means nothing really.  It's how your clothes fit.  It's about how many inches are lost.  Remember, muscle weighs more than fat.  If your resistance training your gaining muscle.  If your also eating clean and doing your cardio your weight may not change that much.  It's all about how you FEEL.

I am Ironman

In honor of THE AVENGERS movie opening today the YMCA did a little tribute on their inspirational whiteboard.  Apparently one of the lifeguards is a very talented artist.  The YMCA always has one biblical scripture and one secular spiritual scripture.

The captions read:
#1- Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to life him up. -Ecclesiastes 4:9

#2- Individually we are one drop.  Together we are an ocean. -Ryunosuke Satoro

Today's workout was just cardio this morning and Yoga this afternoon. I did 30 minutes on the elliptical trainer in my fat burning heart rate zone.  Your fat burning heart rate is approximately 60-80% of your target heart rate.  Your target heart rate is 220-age.
For me this is:
220-41= 179.  This is my maximum heart rate I shouldn't go over when I do cardio.
60% of 179 = 107
80% of 179 = 143
 My fat burning heart rate zone is between 107 bpm and 143 bpm.  (bpm = beats per minute)
Now, this is not very high.   It is actually very relaxing and it should be.  You should break a sweat but it should be a slow building sweat and you should be able to carry on a conversation.

You don't have to go all out when you do cardio.  If you go too high above your fat burning zone, you tap into muscle and not your fat stores.  Keeping your heart rate lower will make sure you utilize your fat stores for energy.  30 minutes is plenty of time.  Anything over 45 minutes is a waste.

That being said, cardio intervals are awesome.  It's a short intense workout.  That is were you take your heart rate up to your target heart rate for a specific amount of time and then lower it into your fat burn zone for a specific amount of time.  For example: One minute of 179 bpm and one minute of fat burn zone for 20 minutes.  You can shake this up anyway you please.

DRINK WATER:  I go through at least 24 oz of water during a workout.  Keeping yourself hydrated helps you workout out longer and more efficiently.  Cut out soda and yes, DIET SODA, and you will drop weight within a week.

My 3 labs are begging to go to the Dog Park now.  Every morning at 9am they get their time.  I had mine first thing and now it's their turn!  Yoga at 11AM!!