My life in 3D HD

Week 1 Post-Op

Well it's been one week since my surgery.  I've already cut back on my pain medication and am starting feel much better.  I'm at the point where I really hate this neck brace and I want it off.  However, I know that if I do I may screw up my neck so I have to just power through it.

One thing I've found helps with my recovery is to go out and buy a 60" 3D LED/LCD flat screen Telly. Trust me it makes recovery much more tolerable. The is nothing like watching all 6 Star Wars movies in HD and the Avengers in HD 3D to take your mind off a fused cervical spine.

I'm also planning my return to the world of fitness.  I can't wait to start yoga classes again. I long for my running shoes and my 5 miles runs with my running partner. Nothing like sitting on your ass for a week that really puts everything back into perspective.

I have such a screwed up spine that I really need to take better care of it.  I'm only 42 and I have too many years left to enjoy, I can't afford to become a cripple when I know i can stop it.

For now it's time to heal up and watch The Lord of the Rings trilogy on a huge HD tv.

I'd rather be doing math right now

Day 3 Recovery
WARNING: I'm so high right now on pain killers.....

I tried to go for a walk today.  I walked for about 20 minutes before I started floating above my body.  I thought I could go longer but it's not in the cards.  I have to remember to go slow with this recovery.

I'm on oxycontin and it is pure amazing.   Takes the pain away and makes me sleep. Sleep is the best thing in the world.   I wish I could sleep for a living.  If I could get paid to do nothing but sleep I would be CEO of Sleep, Inc.  I would be the most successful sleeper in history.  Sleep = good.

Here is one thing I hate.  I keep snoring.  My throat is so swelled that not only is it hard to swallow but it causes me to snore.  The snoring is so bad that it wakes me up from my drug induced comas.  I don't like snoring.  Snore = Bad.

Did I mention I haven't pooped in 4 days?! I have to take a stool softener with my morning oxycontin but so far I'm running on empty.  An empty toilet that is.  Poop = good.

I'm peeing my brains out too.  The only good thing about this is that at least I'm hydrated.

My dogs think I'm their own personal couch pillow.  Dogs = Heavy

This collar is bugging the shit out of me.  It's constricting and makes it hard to eat and drink.  Collar = bad.

One thing I do like about the collar is that when my shirt is on it makes my traps look huge!  Like some kind of Hulk. Makes me want to do shurgs when I'm healed up.  Collar = Hulk

Ghost of Fitness Past

Day 2 of disc fusion surgery recovery.

It's very hard to swallow anything that's not liquid.  Ice cream is now my main source of nutrients.

The collar I have to wear 24/7 makes it very hard to sleep or be comfortable.

Upon my release of the hospital yesterday, my surgeon came up to let me know how the surgery went. He said, "Your spine was spectacularly bad. I don't know how your spine got this bad when your this young."  I chalk it up to years and years of lifting weights.

I'm not saying lifting weights is a bad thing.  The bad thing is how you lift and how heavy you're lifting.

Public Enemy #1: Placing the squat bar on the back of my neck.

For years and years I did it that way until I found out it was wrong.  By then it was to late.  The damage was already done.  

Public Enemy #2:trying to be a macho, macho man.  In my 20's and early 30's I just wanted to look good and be big, as in really muscular.  The problem is I didn't see the long term affects of lifting such crazy heavy weight for most of my adult life.  I looked good but ignored any pain or injury I might have been feeling at the time.  I just thought I could push through it and it would go away.  

News Flash! It almost never "goes away." An injury that goes unchecked is an injury that will always come back and usually it comes back when you get older.  The older you get the harder it is to recover from these injuries.  

This is your future if you keep lifting stupid amounts of weight and you are not a professional athlete.  

Brace yourself!

Cervical Fusion Surgery

After months of burning, numbing pain in my right shoulder and arm, I am having three discs in my cervical spine fused.  As you can see from the pic and link above, they go through the front of the neck to get to the discs.  Funny, I'm not so much worried about the spine being toyed with as I am with a scar on my throat.  Vanity.  That's it, plain and simple.

I'm not a movie star or anything but I still count on my looks for making extra money as an actor.  I don't mean to say that I'm Ryan Gosling but I definitely don't need a scar on my neck unless I can get roles playing a car crash victim or a thug.  I guess it never hurt Harrison Ford's career or even Owen Wilson with that weird broken nose thing he has going on.

Back to the surgery.  I have two weeks recovery and an addition 6 weeks of wearing a collar. No not a dog collar but it might as well be.  Maybe I can just wear my dog's cone.  It's not that bad though.  I join the ranks of some pretty elite people who have donned the neck brace. I'll feel like a celebrity.

Kristin Chenoweth after being hit on the head on set with a light.

Chris Brown after his neck gives out after trying to hold up his inflated ego.

The Situation.  Not explanation needed.

Rosie Perez...have no idea but I like her.

Snookie...Hmmm...tanning bed lid incident?

Willow Smith.  That's what you get when you whip your hair back and forth.

I will definitely post pics of me in my new fashion accessory.  A friend of mine asked me yesterday if I will be wearing my brace to the opening showing of Man of Steel?  If it's a Superman movie, I will go in full body cast.

Happy Addiversary!

Happy Addiversary!

Today is exactly one year since I started my adderal induced, anti-depression, anti-anxiety, anti-asshole medication.  

Much has happened in the past year as far as dealing with my mental issues, my job and my future plans.  It's amazing what seeing things in a new light can do for my decision making process.  Things that seemed important to me before don't seem so now while other things that weren't important before are much more important to me now.

After first taking my Adderal and other assorted meds I found a new desire to do more things outside.  Before I would literally sit around all day on the couch and watch tons and tons of TV.  I would sleep in until noon and then stay up all night until two in the morning.  It was so hard to get out of the house to go to work.  I didn't want to see my friends.  I didn't want to exercise.  

Since last May I have taken up yoga and even got certified to teach.  I have ran 2 half marathons, a couple of 12k's and have another half marathon this coming Sunday.  I bought a kayak last summer and tried to get it out on the water 3-4 times a week.  My lower back issues went away with the yoga practice and I became alot more fun to be around.

However, in the last couple of months it has been difficult to maintain this new found mental stability.  The meds have had to be altered a couple of times to combat building up an immunity to them.  I found that if there was extra stress in my life that they seemed to weaken.  Certain people can set off anxiety and I can fall back into a depression. 

In the last month I have developed a serious stenosis problem in my cervical vertebrae and surgery is imminent.  The pain is excruciating and trying to cope with every day life is becoming more and more difficult.  My anxiety level is at an all time high which causes more pain and tightness in my neck and shoulders.  To top it off, my job will be laying me off soon and so there is that added stress.

It may seem bleak but actually it has made me able to realize when I need to relax and maybe even stay away from crowds of people.  Because my mind is more clear I can recognize when my meds are not working and I can tell myself it will be ok and just let it go until they kick back in.

My decision making process has been great up until the last couple of weeks.  I've been making incredibly stupid choices and not thinking about the long term consequences of my actions.  I've started to tune people out as well. I don't mean to but I don't even know when I'm doing it until I fail to follow instructions or any important information that I need to know.  I've missed conference calls for work and just plain missed appointments.

My new strategy is to find a counselor to talk about my anxiety issues.  I think the combination of meds and counseling will help me get through all this crap that is seeping into my psyche.  

Although the last few months have been tough, I'm going to call the last year a success.  I recognize the issues I have and also how to deal with them.  Let's hope year two will be just as insightful. 

May Day! May Day!

Happy May Day...

Two more days until my one year adderalversary.  So far things are looking pretty good.  I'm shooting a TV commercial for the Washington State Lottery.  It should be a small cash cow and get me through the summer after I get laid off.

When we were told that we were getting laid off I didn't really worry.  I just had a feeling something would pop up and sure enough it did.  I auditioned twice and landed a really nice gig.

On a little bit of a side note, my neck and arm are killing me!  I have an appointment next week for a consult with a neurosurgeon for surgery to fix my stenosis issue. I'm hoping he can get me in before this job ends and I still have insurance.

I would keep typing but my fucking arm hurts too much.

goodbye.