Happy Addiversary!

Happy Addiversary!

Today is exactly one year since I started my adderal induced, anti-depression, anti-anxiety, anti-asshole medication.  

Much has happened in the past year as far as dealing with my mental issues, my job and my future plans.  It's amazing what seeing things in a new light can do for my decision making process.  Things that seemed important to me before don't seem so now while other things that weren't important before are much more important to me now.

After first taking my Adderal and other assorted meds I found a new desire to do more things outside.  Before I would literally sit around all day on the couch and watch tons and tons of TV.  I would sleep in until noon and then stay up all night until two in the morning.  It was so hard to get out of the house to go to work.  I didn't want to see my friends.  I didn't want to exercise.  

Since last May I have taken up yoga and even got certified to teach.  I have ran 2 half marathons, a couple of 12k's and have another half marathon this coming Sunday.  I bought a kayak last summer and tried to get it out on the water 3-4 times a week.  My lower back issues went away with the yoga practice and I became alot more fun to be around.

However, in the last couple of months it has been difficult to maintain this new found mental stability.  The meds have had to be altered a couple of times to combat building up an immunity to them.  I found that if there was extra stress in my life that they seemed to weaken.  Certain people can set off anxiety and I can fall back into a depression. 

In the last month I have developed a serious stenosis problem in my cervical vertebrae and surgery is imminent.  The pain is excruciating and trying to cope with every day life is becoming more and more difficult.  My anxiety level is at an all time high which causes more pain and tightness in my neck and shoulders.  To top it off, my job will be laying me off soon and so there is that added stress.

It may seem bleak but actually it has made me able to realize when I need to relax and maybe even stay away from crowds of people.  Because my mind is more clear I can recognize when my meds are not working and I can tell myself it will be ok and just let it go until they kick back in.

My decision making process has been great up until the last couple of weeks.  I've been making incredibly stupid choices and not thinking about the long term consequences of my actions.  I've started to tune people out as well. I don't mean to but I don't even know when I'm doing it until I fail to follow instructions or any important information that I need to know.  I've missed conference calls for work and just plain missed appointments.

My new strategy is to find a counselor to talk about my anxiety issues.  I think the combination of meds and counseling will help me get through all this crap that is seeping into my psyche.  

Although the last few months have been tough, I'm going to call the last year a success.  I recognize the issues I have and also how to deal with them.  Let's hope year two will be just as insightful.