Shazbot!

Robin Williams 

July 21, 1951 -August 11, 2014

In regards to the suicide of Robin Williams, there has been much in the news today about how depression played a role in it. A point I keep hearing from people, not in the know, is that suicide is selfish. It's actually a selfLESS act. 

A person with depression feels that taking their life would actually be a burden lifted from your shoulders, not theirs. They are always thinking about the people around them and how to ease their fears and make their lives more comfortable, not their own. Taking themselves out of the equation is sometimes the only choice.

Depression acts as a dampner for emotions and it's makes it hard to think clearly. Every thing seems wore than it is. suicide sometimes is the only way to to end all that confusion and pain. Since you can't ask someone who commits suicide why they did it, ask someone who struggles with it. I think you will find that it's not as selfish as you think.

In his book “Myths About Suicide,” Psychologist Thomas Joiner deconstructs the myth that suicide is cowardly or selfish.

“It certainly seems selfish from the outside,” Joiner told NPR in 2010. “I understand the sentiment. But the trouble is, in trying to reason about the suicidal mind from a non-suicidal place – that’s basically where most of these myths come from.”

“What the suicidal person is thinking at the time is actually quite different from selfishness. Their idea is along the lines of, my death will be worth more than my life to others,” he explained. “Now, if you ponder that sentiment, that’s not selfish at all. In fact, if anything it’s the opposite. It’s very selfless.”

Please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 if you or someone you know is suffering. Operators are available 24/7.

No news is no news to me

                    

I am trying a little experiment to see if watching the news affects me in a negative way.  I basically haven't been watching the news or reading it.  The only way I get my news is from word of mouth.  

I have to say that no engaging in the news has really helped me with my anxiety.  Listening day after day, hour after hour of depressing, fear based news takes a toll on nerves, attitude and mood.  Even if I catch a glimpse of it on TV I start to get a little anxious. 

Not watching the news makes me less "scared."  The fear based news is getting out of control.  

I'm not trying to sound biased but FOX News is the worst.  I dont think they have ever broken a major news story.  It's all opinoin based commentary designed to instill fear into conservatives that liberals are taking their rights away.  

CNN is just about reporting on blood and guts. "If it bleeds, it leads."  They spent weeks on back to back coverage of the missing Malasian flight with litterally no new leads the entire time.  It's all speculation.  

MSNBC just seems to be ALL liberal commentary which also is an inbalance. 

I do enjoy NBC Nightly News.  I enjoy Brian Williams and his snarky aside comments. I really don't see a liberal bias with Nightly News.  I do see a little more fluff however. They are also pretty good about retracting errors in their broadcasts. 

Talk radio is no better.  I used to listen to KIRO out of Seattle.  It had a nice blend of liberal and conservative commentary but sometimes it got to be too much.  Dori Monson is a "libertarian" host and I used to love him.  I found the more money he makes, the more conservative he becomes.  His shows have become 3 hours of rage against government.  It would be ok but his ranting and raving seem like they are going to lead him to a heart attack.  Seriously, his blood pressure must be way out of wack.  Listening to his loud yelling and rage based fear always got my blood boiling and my heart rate up.  It gives off a very negative vibe.

I think that constantly being around negative language and people is bad for your health.  Sometimes I think I can feel the negative waves eminating from the radio or TV.  I don't surround myself with negative friends so why would I do it with my news. 

Try it for a week.  I think you will feel "lighter" and less negative.

midwest hospitality

This week I'm visiting the family back in good ole' Illinois and Iowa. In the past I didn't really make it a priority to visit my family but lately things have changed. 

I now have a 3 year old nephew is the funnest human being on the planet.  He laughs at my jokes, at my funny faces and he likes to sing with me. We also tend to like pretending we are sharks when ever we eat Goldfish crackers.  

When we walk we tend to jump as well.  Besides, who wants to always walk all the time when you can hop? BORING!

We also like to swing by me pulling him up by one arm and swinging him forward while we walk...or hop.  Who doesn't like to swing??

Did I mention he is photogenic?  We could take selfies all day long.  The best selfies are "mean selfies." Those are the kind when you make a mean face or stick out your tongue.  Regular smiles are just not fun.

I took a month off from work to get my head on straight.  I decided to take a trip back to my origins because I didn't want to miss my nephew growing up.  I already missed my other nephew and two neices growing up and I didn't want that to happen again. Turns out this trip has done me a lot of good.  It's relaxing.  I'm not on a schedule.  I do what I want whenever I want.   It feels like a mini-vacation except that I'm spending more money on shopping than I have in a long time.  WTF I'm treating myself.  It's been a long month. 

My house is being painted while I'm gone and I don't have to do it.  That was stressing me btw. 

All in all it's a pretty good last week of staycationing. I think I'll do it more often.

I've been Abilified

Another med has been added to my already crazy line-up for my depression issues.  I'm now at 5 meds.

1 Vyvanse (long acting adderal)

2 Sertraline (Zoloft)

3 Lamotrigene (mood stabilzer)

4 regular Adderal (ADHD)

5 Abilify (antidepressant booster and works on bipolar) 

Abilify is the new one.  It boosts the effects of the antidepressant. It helps me not feel tired and keeps my grounded. The generic name is Aripiprazole and is primarily used for the treatment of schizophrenia or bipolar disorder.^[9]

That's right.  It's also for schizophrenia.  Well that just explains everything.  

So far it's been a good experience.  I get things done. I get my workouts in.  I have extra energy.  

Here is the bad part.  Ever heard of The Flash?  The superhero who can run really fast? 

Well I think I'm THE FLASH. Everything I do now is in fast-forward. I talk faster.  I walk faster.  I eat faster and I think faster.  I think too fast.  I think so fast that before I can finish a thought, I've moved on to another.  It like I'm Profressor X and I can hear everything around me all at once. 

                                                

I'm taking some time off work and thank god I need it.  I want to make sure I'm heading in the right direction with all these meds.  I'm a drug rep so I know all the issues that can happen with these drugs.  

Maybe I will think so fast that I will turn back time and I can tell my younger self to "snap out of it fool!"

Anxious about being anxious

Well this is a new one.  Anxiety.  Not just anxiety like as in test anxiety. Anxiety as in public anxiety.
I've never experience this before. Actual panic attacks at the thought of talking to people or being around people I don't know.  I've always been a very outgoing, personable, can talk to anyone kind of person.

It's becoming quite the daily obstacle when it comes to my job as well.  I have to make calls and talk to doctors all day and the thought of doing that makes my heart race and my chest pound. It's very disconcerting. How am I supposed to make a living if I can't do my job?

The funny thing is that I don't have anxiety while acting.  I don't get anxious at auditions.  I don't get anxious on stage or in front of the camera.  I guess that says something about doing what you love and it doesn't feel like work.

SEAHAWKS!

Yesterday while I was getting my hair cut, the girl cutting it was telling me how pissed she was because she bought a scale at Good Will.  She stepped on it in the store and it said she had lost 10 lbs.  When she got it home she found it was 10 lbs off...too light that is.

She knew that she shouldn't weigh herself.  We had had this discussion many times.  I told her if you exercise that you gain muscle, muscle weighs more than fat, your scale does no reflect that.  It pushes you into a tizzy because you think you have gained fat.

She told me she doesn't believe in diets and has made a lifestyle change and cut out sugar and only eat veggies and lean meat.  Still she was curious and wanted to know her weight.

I told her to only go by the way her clothes fit and how her mental and physical state are; if they are improving that is.  The only other way to know if you are truly losing fat is to get your body fat % checked and that's not easy.  It's not something you can do yourself.  You have to get it checked hydrostatically, meaning you get dunked in a water tank.

http://www.bodyfattest.com

If you go to their website you can find a date when the truck will be your area if it is available in your part of the country.  I'm sure there are other companies but this is the one that I use.   The tank is only about 3 ft deep, if that, and you literally just blow out all your air, submerge yourself and the technician calculates your body fat composition.  Don't worry, you won't drown.  It takes a few seconds. 

 It has to do with weight, water displacement and a bunch of other things. It is scientifically the most accurate way to know your body fat %.

If you've ever wanted to get started on a plan to make real progress, or want to get back on track, getting your body fat tested in our hydrostatic tank is a great way to precisely benchmark your fitness. Getting dunked takes just 10 minutes, and afterward, you'll get a detailed report to keep, showing:

• Your fat and fat-free body mass, as percentages and in actual weight
• How much fat, if any, you need to lose to achieve your desired body composition
• How many calories per day you burn without exercising—unique to you
• How many calories you burn from different exercises—again, specifically for your body
• Where you are on a scale of ideal body fat for your age and gender
• Your history, if you've been tested before
  
  
  
  
  So when you are getting frustrated with your scale, first throw it against a moving vehicle, preferable off an overpass and then go get your body fat checked.  Even if you have to go to a gym and they caliper you its at least a gauge and it will stay consistent.